Self-compassion and self-love are things that pop into my head from time to time.
We spend so much time wanting and waiting to love someone and for someone to love us.
What if, instead of that, we love the person who is the most important part of our life with that same energy, tenderness, affection, belief, understanding, patience, grace, support, and enthusiasm that we’re seeking to give someone else? (And also seeking from someone else.)
Yes. I’m talking about loving ourselves.
No, I’m not saying we all should abandon relationships with other people. I love people, and we are a social species. We need other people; other people need us. To show up for others we need to show up for ourselves, and to me, that means loving myself. That means showing compassion, grace, and courage for myself.
I don’t know when it became hip to self-flagellate. I don’t know why it’s almost expected for us to constantly self-deprecate and almost undermine our efforts.
Hating one’s self seems to always be in style.
But it’s a style I don’t like and refuse to wear.
I genuinely do not hate myself. I can’t even pretend to hate myself. I love me. I delight in my me-ness daily. Like Marcel the Shell with Shoes On says, I like that about myself.
None of this is coming from the ego. I'm not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I’m not out here thinking I’m the greatest person alive or who ever lived. But I am championing loving yourself as much as you love others. It does not solve your problems, but in my experience, it makes things easier.
PS - I know humans are adaptable, but I am baffled as to how I am going to adapt to rising temperatures. The past two weeks in Boston destroyed me. So to help combat climate change, I signed up for Wren. If you sign up for Wren using my referral link, Wren will plant five trees for your subscription AND five more simply because you used my link! Yay trees!
What I Can Control:
- How much effort I put in
- How many blog posts I write
- How many videos I post online
- How many shows my band plays
- How many songs I write and release
- How many people I send my music to
- How thoughtful I am in my creative endeavors
What I Can’t Control
- Everything else
No one really cares if I accomplish anything I set out to accomplish. So does it make a difference?
Yes. It makes a difference to me.
There’s a line in a U2 song I think about all the time: It doesn't matter to you, it matters to me.
It matters to me.
I want to be a net positive regarding whatever impact I have in this vast universe.
Big or small. Public or private. It does matter.
If one person is happier or kinder, then it makes the world that much better of a place to be,
You matter. Your goals and dreams matter. They might not matter to anyone else but you.
But since you matter, they matter.
Go get ‘em.
I turned 32 two days ago and I wanted to do what Ryan Holiday does on his birthday and share whatever bits of wisdom I have accumulated in my brief time on this planet.
Thanks for reading! Here's to 32 being the best one yet
Every skill or habit can be trained.
It’s practice. It’s intention.
It’s doing the work.
There are no shortcuts. There are no backroads.
If you want to become an expert archer you need to go practice archery.
If you want to become a great cook you need to cook.
Any skill is attainable if you’re willing to do the work.
The time we spend looking for shortcuts and backroads is time we could spend on doing the work.
And that’s a better investment.
And then I got Covid.
There's that Mike Tyson quote that seems to apply to everything and everyone at some point, "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." Covid punched me in the mouth.
I kept thinking, "I can still write! Here I go!" And nothing. Same with practicing. "I can play guitar!" And the energy just wasn't there.
Derek Sivers has a wonderful blog post about doing what you need to do titled "Write? Write. Sleep? Sleep. Read? Read. Don't Fight It." And I wouldn't say I fought it, I just thought I could give more despite my body being under attack by an invader that has destroyed millions of lives around the world.
Fortunately, my life was not destroyed by any means. I'm 95% back to my pre-Covid self and have started a new song that I'm wicked excited about. Some stickers came in for the band, and next week I can rejoin the world. I'm still testing incredibly positive (some would say that matches my personality - and I would agree) but at some point that will end.
Until then, I'm gonna figure things out as I go, and I hope you'll join me on that journey.